Jay's Journal

Archive for October 2012

I cannot believe that this is the last day of October!  Where on earth has this year gone?  I mean come on, it’s only just been New Year hasn’t it?  There has been such a lot going on in my life this year and so many bad things have happened that I have been wishing this year would end – but this quick?  Trouble is, with the year going so fast it means that all the shit that has been happening this year is going to be carried on into next year, so now, I can’t wait for that year to go and we haven’t even reached it!

As for this being the last day of October, this is were we get constantly disturbed by begging children/parents all flipping night!  We are doing what we always do – closing the blinds and curtains early, locking the door and turning off most lights.  It’s not that I’m tight (although anyone living on DLA will know that every penny counts and we don’t have a lot to spare) – but these blasted kids are the ones that you see running riot on the streets and in the shops, are abusive with their language, and have a hell of a lot to say about disabled people (not in a nice way either!) – these kids range in age from 5 to 15 and their parents never do a bloody thing about them as they are as bad as the kids!  They haven’t taught them respect for people or their properties, they haven’t taught them any manners and some of them are rearing the upcoming lot of burglars and bullies – yet, for one night in the year, they take their kids round (or the older ones come in gangs without parents) to decent people’s homes and expect to be paid!  For what? I’m not saying that all kids are evil little shits with parents who are the same, but I’m afraid that they are in the minority nowadays.  I will NOT give money (‘cos they look horrified when you offer them sweets or cakes) to these kids and I will stick by that for the rest of my life!  I never let my kids go trick or treating – we had stay at home fun were we did duck apples, hanging apples on strings across the room and trying to bit them with our hands behind our backs.  We had games, and fun cakes that we have baked, we had sweets but had to do challenges for them.  We had a FUN FAMILY night 🙂  Nowadays, the kids want huge parties with expensive foods and sweets, music going on for hours and loads of friends and their parents to come – the parents get pissed on the amount of cheap booze they have bought.  What has all this got to do with Halloween and where is the family fun?  Its just an excuse for the adults to have a piss up, the kids to get sick but get loaded, and they all need to go to school and work the next day! So, tomorrow we will have all kinds of vehicles being driven by lots of people who are over the limit!  Then just five days later, it all happens again with Bonfire Night – give me strength!

Rant over, but I still can’t believe that its November tomorrow!

Today I went to the doctors surgery to have my dressing on my foot and leg done.  It’s the first time I’ve had to do this as the nurses have been visiting twice a week since the end of May but they’ve had their policies changed.  Only the bedridden or housebound can have the nurses coming to their homes now.  This means that twice a week, I have to get dressed into clothes for outside (this takes time as it actually hurts my legs putting on other clothes and I need help).  Then when getting dressed is over and done with and I have my coat on, it’s a case of moving my zimmer to the back door (I can’t get out of the front door as there are no rails for me to grab hold of, and the steps are done in a fancy awkward way) – I then have to put my zimmer on a large wooden raised platform that has been made for me, shuffle my good foot and put my toes over the high rise of the double glazed door, hop down onto the raised platform whilst holding onto some of the grab rails, turn myself and my zimmer to the next step and do the same – next I have to get along the side passage way of the house, go along a driveway (I need to stop frequently as my good leg hurts, my arms hurt and the carpal tunnel in my hands effing well kills me) – then I have to swivel myself into the car.  On arrival at the doctors my husband has to get my wheelchair out of the car, set it up and I get into it.  Reverse all of  this after the dressings have been done and we are on our way home with the only difference being that my husband has to help lift me (with the aid of the grab rails outside) up the steps and into the house. Bedridden I am not anymore, but I’d say that I was pretty much housebound wouldn’t you?

Anyway, for the first time since the  16th May 2012 I had my foot and leg washed 🙂  I thought that I might feel pain in the wound but I didn’t feel anything – as a matter of fact I didn’t feel anything at all in the whole of the foot – now that’s worrying!  But the leg, oh my, the feeling of having water up to my knee, and the nurse using a special soap to lather up the foot and leg – it was wonderful.  I have no real words to describe it as it was bliss.  I wish I had had a razor with me so I could have shaved the blasted leg and told the nurse as much, but she said that was something she would have to say no to 😦  The hair on my leg is long enough to make dreadlocks with!!!!  But I do understand that I can’t shave it as the skin is so very sensitive after being wrapped in bandages for 24 weeks and that’s ongoing.  Also, the risk of my infection spreading is so high that I could actually end up having the amputation sooner (which you know I don’t want) – or the risk of the infection going higher and the amputation having to be above the knee.  I am determined though to have my legs shaved on the day before I have my amputation – if you think I want to be under and the female staff  in the theatre tut tutting about the hairy leg, you’ve got another think coming!

Let’s just say that today I had my leg washed and it felt good – and I’m happy and the nurse was happy to put a smile on my face – and above all, my hubby was happy and that I love to see.

I have an online friend – well alright, he’s a blogger that I came across and he writes from the heart and says it how it is. I like that in a person.  He is the one who made me see that having a blog can help me even though he doesn’t know me, hasn’t given me advice about myself or my feelings.  He’s just an inspiration to me.

He’s very poorly and he’s scared and I’m scared for him.  

Whichever way it goes please be happy and at peace with whatever happens.  I hope you are around for a long time yet – the world really needs people like you in it.

So last night, before going to bed, I started to get really bad pain in my due to be amputated foot – strong enough to have me taking extra Oramorph and to make me very teary.  Overnight I was woken a couple of times more than usual but so hoped that it would be more bearable today.  Not so at the moment – the foot is not liking being in the down position and I am having to sit on the sofa or the bed with legs up.  Not good!  The last time this happened was due to the infection getting out of control and I ended up back in hospital for another couple of weeks.  I was on 4 lots of antibiotics and boy, did I feel ill.  The pain killers were upped to the maximum and I didn’t know what day of the week it was, didn’t know what I was saying or doing for the first few days of being in!  I don’t want that to happen again as I know that this time it would be for an emergency amputation and not the planned one!  The reason I want to stick to the planned one is that I will be in Ward 18 on a side room – I cannot stand being with other patients on a bay – I would go crazy and would end up discharging myself – it’s just the way I am, I cannot bear to be with too many people around me and strangers frighten the life out of me.  Also, with the planned admission things would be set in action that have been written into my plan other than actions being taken later on if anyone can be bothered!  I’m not having a go at the nurses here, but I know how overworked they are, I know that they go missing from the ward for a while and I know that things don’t get done!  Believe me, I have been in often enough this year to KNOW that things happen (or don’t) due to overworked, under-staffed or non-English speaking nurses being on the wards.

I have S.A.D. which is not the one you are thinking of but is in-fact Social Anxiety Disorder – so another reason why I can’t be with too many people.  I have to go in a side room for my own sanity – not because I want to have a room all to myself (and believe me, you hardly get to see many staff except for tablet rounds) – but I am happier in my own company, I already know the cleaners and the orderlies, and I also know that the people who do come into my side ward are either visitors or staff who are there for me and my needs. So, living for 6 weeks or more on a side room would be a very lonely existence for most people but for me it would be bliss!  I don’t watch television, I don’t listen to music and prefer silence (which is hard to find anywhere in a hospital but especially in a bay of 6 nattering women and their visitors), and that doesn’t include  their going on and on about their illnesses and operations!  Give me strength – I would rather commit myself to a padded room!

I’m hoping that a couple of days of resting the leg will help take this pain, and the feeling that something has changed inside the foot, away and settle it down for a few more weeks.  Even though I haven’t yet had my admission date through, I know in my own mind that I don’t want to have the amputation done until the New Year if I can get away with it.  I have no control over the fact that that bastard has made such an error that I need an amputation, but I want control over the date that I go in and by God, I’ll do anything I can to wait until New Year (with the exception of letting the infection get too high up the leg which would mean losing all of it).

I’m off over to the sofa again now, I’m on my desktop computer ‘cos I prefer it – but John will have to bring the lappy in if I want to go online again in the next few hours.  I don’t like the lappy but hey, any port in a storm!

I need a smart ‘phone – I don’t want a smart ‘phone but I need one.  Most annoying ‘cos I don’t know the first thing about them!  I have had a mobile ‘phone for years (I’m on my second) and it mainly sits on the kitchen windowsill ‘cos I hate the bloody things!  My first ‘phone was given to me by my son – it’s like a brick!  My second ‘phone was given to my by my hubby and cost him £9.99 – it’s a pay as you go the same as my first ‘phone – and it came with £5 worth of credit.  It’s tiny and I can hardly see the keys and have to root around for my glasses when a text comes in (which is mainly from Orange).  It’s also pink – which I like 🙂  I take it with me when I go to the Hairdressers so that hubby can come and pick me up (which I am still raging about ‘cos I can’t drive due to this cocked up operation!) – see in my  about me – which I still haven’t finished – Oooops!

Anyways, I need help about a smart ‘phone – I refuse to ask someone in their 20’s or 30’s ‘cos they’ll go on and on about this one has so many apps with it, this one has a fantastic camera and so many apps on it, this one is all the rage and you look really cool with it and it has so many apps with it – and so on!  I need someone who is not far off my age (54) who understands that this is a scary thing for me – I need someone who will point me in the direction of a ‘phone that will enable me to keep in touch with my hubby, send texts, let me go online and check my bank accounts (I am paranoid about that), let me stay in touch with life outside of a hospital and make purchases and get books for my kindle.  I don’t want it so that I look cool, or so that I can text every minute to friends and family to tell them that I’ve just had my tea, cleaned my teeth, bought new underwear, heard someone gossiping and so on – I don’t do all that although if it woke me of a morning with a nice cup of tea I wouldn’t say no 🙂

I will be going into hospital (yet again!), but this time it’s for a below the knee amputation and I’m going to be in for between 4 and 6 weeks!  They will send me home for an odd night or two for good behaviour but other than that I’m in for a long time – I then have to heal and after a while go back in again for a knee replacement on the leg that has just had the amputation!  So, now you see why I need a smart ‘phone rather than wanting one – I have to keep in touch electronically with so many things so I need to be online and our hospital doesn’t have wi fi so I don’t know of any other way I can do the things I need to do online if I can’t take my lappy in and connect to a wi fi.

So, if anyone out there actually reads this blog, and is not under 40 (I know that there are exceptions out there – younger folk who can advise us older middle aged people on the right way to go) can you please, please help me in what type of ‘phone to get, I don’t want a pay as you go this time so I know I’ll be stuck to a contract, what network to go with and know which type is simple to set up/get going/use.  PLEEEAAAASSEE with cherry on top 🙂

**My son has offered me his old iPhone 🙂  It’s an iPhone 3GS locked into O2 (which has gone completely over my head) – but at least I’m going to get one and learn to use it before I go into hospital 🙂  Thank you Neil and thank you to all those who answered me and gave advice.  A smack on the hand to my brother for saying that if I didn’t take the ‘phone from Neil then he would!   I’m going to be so cool – *wonders if she should start going around in her pyjamas like they all seem to be doing down the High Street*!**

Hi all

This is my first go at blogging and I know I’m going to make loads of mistakes so you’ll have to bear with me!  I’m not very computer literate so finding my way about the computer as well as the blog is going to take some doing.

I’m trying to do a page about me so hope that you can read it and understand me and the reasons behind this blog.  It’s to speak out, rant at things that have happened (and are still happening) to me and mine, but it’s mainly to help me.

So, pleased to meet you and now I’ll get on with trying to finish the page about myself, working my way around the site and learning how to do a blog!


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It's a Buzz World

The Crazy Story of our Life

Wee Ginger Dug

Biting the hand of Project Fear

REDFLAGFLYING

Dictatorship is good. If the Dictator is me.

TalesAlongTheWay

Life's journey to discover tales of history, culture, and faith from New York to India and places along the way.

Same Difference

News, Views and Information For People With Disabilities...

DWPExamination.

RELOADED - Free Speech

alittleecon

There is an alternative

the void

narking off the state since 2005

Britain Isn't Eating

The Tory Govn, killing the unemployed, the poor, vulnerable, sick & disabled since 2010.

The poor side of life

EXPOSING CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.EXPOSING THE GOVERNMENTS WAR AGAINST THE POOR.FIGHTING FOR BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. SANCTIONS KILL.

David Hencke

Westminster, Whitehall and Berkhamsted newsview

Stop MP lies & corruption

When MPs give a reason for wanting something - it's an excuse to suit their own endgame.

Paul Bernal's Blog

Privacy, Human Rights, Law, The Internet, Politics and more

The lovely wibbly wobbly old lady

Views on life, the universe and everything...from a middle aged perspective

kickingthecat

How current policy is little more than kicking the cat....

Politics and Insights

Public interest issues, policy, equality, human rights, social science

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stories from the frontline of benefit changes in the UK.

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